I find myself at 30 years old on my second marriage with 2 white cats named Fluffy (#1 and #2 respective to their adoptions), 2 school age kids, a newborn, and unfortunately the better paying job. How many ladies out there have a similar situation? My first marriage was to someone who had a decent enough job so that I only had to work part time for the first 2 years of my eldest child's life, and I chose to go back to work after my 2nd child was born since we had to upgrade to a bigger house than a 2 bedroom flat. After a work related divorce (ironic eh?) 2 years later, a quickie marriage to my current husband, and 4 1/2 years after #2 was born I became pregnant. I lost the baby at 11 weeks, and even though it was horrible timing and had been unplanned, I felt desperate to regain the child I had lost and became pregnant again 8 weeks later, due October 15th.
My husband was a grad student at the University and was set to complete his Master's in June of this year. Then it got pushed to August, then September, and finally October 1. We had hypothesized that he would have been done in June, and would have had plenty of time to get a real job that paid enough for me to stay home and care for our growing brood (I even wouldn't mind adding a 4th at sometime in the not too near future...) and that we would have plenty of time to figure out ourselves by October 15th for sure.
Well, life happens, as my wise boss says. First, my darling newborn decided to wait to be born 12 days late. Despite getting the medieval torture method of
stripping the membranes 3 separate times. Yes, that DOES hurt by the way. A lot. Anyway, I tried to continue working up to the bitter end, but my third grader apparently picked his nose at the wrong time and came down with the dreaded
Swine Flu when I was 41 weeks pregnant. I began to exhibit symptoms so I called and got on
Tamiflu immediately in hopes to stave off the dreaded deadly preggo killer. I walked away from the battle with a nasty sinus inflammation and a bad headache but never had a fever or any coughing/pneumonia symptoms.
I even got vaccinated for H1N1 (or Influenza A as they are keen to call it this week) the day before she was born so its at the bottom of my Stress List. I was one of the "lucky" ones to get the liquid gold. Of course, I felt like a governmental guinea pig and every fiber of my being said not to get it as it hasn't been thoroughly tested and if I'm only supposed to take Claritin sparingly while pregnant and can't even take Advil why would I submit to injecting myself with something that could cause who knows what harm. BUT everyone and their mother are storming the castle trying to get a dose so I felt compelled and left it up to God.
I went into labor at 1:00 AM on Oct 27th and delivered my beautiful perfect little girl baby at 6:37 AM.
"Any special requests?" my doctor asked.
"Epidural now please." I replied.
And after 4ish hours of drugged bliss they gave the A-OK to begin pushing. And, I swear, turned off the drugs. That's a new one for me.
I pushed her out in 5 minutes as it was horribly uncomfortable to feel a baby head lodged in my nether regions and I wasn't keen on letting her hang out there for very long. She had the cord wrapped around her neck 1 time and was a little Smurf-like, but once they unwrapped it and sucked out the goo she pinked right up and was a fine little turkey.
"What is her name?" my doctor asked.
"Fluffy #3" I said. I couldn't decide on a real name at that moment! I was just so happy to finally be able to sit up without feeling like
Gumby!
My husband is still lacking in the job department, although to his defense he only graduated a month ago, but it is a frightening thought that after 6 weeks of being my children's mother again that I will have to go back to working all day every day to support our household. My husband gets a little bit for continuing to work for the college for the next couple of months, but he came to the marriage with baggage as many people do, and has his own bills to pay on top of contributing to our combined ones.
What do I do, quit and go on Welfare? It is tempting to say the least. I don't know if I want to work anymore. Not because I am lazy, or because I don't like my job, but because I'm sick of reading about all the troubled children who are committing crimes at younger and younger ages with their parents being totally blindsided because they had no idea what their kids were up to. Why? Because they were both full time at work, sometimes working 2 jobs each!! And why does this country only allow for 12 weeks of maternity leave, when day care costs so much you have to work 2 jobs to pay for it additionally? How can Europeans get away with a year of PAID leave and here we are lucky to get 6 weeks of it paid? I want to actually raise my children, not just pop them out and leave it up to them!
I'm starting to think Women's Lib is backfiring on those of us who want our husbands to take care of us. I think that part of the reason that the divorce rate has skyrocketed is because we wives don't have the respect we used to for our husbands. We can do it all ourselves, so if they piss us off we can just shed them and move on looking for the next unfulfilling relationship.
There isn't that sense of the unbreakable bond of family that there used to be. Dad is no longer the "Head of Household" by default, and Mom is no longer "always there for you".
I know there are some success stories of Supermoms who can juggle it all and have their kids turn out just fine. But I don't feel like I'm Supermom material. I'm mostly regular Mom material. I think I would have a nervous breakdown trying to make everyone happy and hold it all together. I just want to put on a polka dot dress with an apron, learn how to cook beyond Peanut Butter and Fluff sandwiches, and wear high heels and pearls while vacuuming. Is that too much to ask?
Fluffy #1
Fluffy #2
Fluffy #3
This is me about 4 days after giving birth. Floppy!!! And my insides ached like crazy this time.
And this is my stomach after wearing it for TWO DAYS and nights!!!!!!:
This picture was taken after the first 2 were born so I know I can lose the weight. I don't think I will ever be that skinny again but that's ok. I just want to be able to wear jeans again instead of sweatpants all the time!!
