Gut-Wrenching

Dealing with IBS--a brief testimony.  

From when I was 24 until I was 28 most people would have told you I was a vegetarian.  While I did eat red meat whenever it was available I was mostly eating fruits, grains, veggies, and dairy.  My lunches consisted of Wasa crackers, hummus, a medium sized spinach salad with shredded cheese and a little ranch, an apple, a banana, a grapefruit, an orange, some carrot sticks, red peppers, and some broccoli.  And a diet coke.  I ate this every single day.  It took me a long time to chew all that!  I was 5'7", 117lb, and could run 5 miles in about 40 min. I made it a habit to walk at least 1 hr per day usually 2.  Definitely I was in the best shape of my life.

Then one day that all changed.  I was going through several things at the same time.  The finalization of my divorce (separated over 2 years), an almost 2 year relationship ending that had been tumultuous and heart breaking, my son was injured in a bike accident at 6 yrs old, and I lost a dear friend to lung cancer.  The therapist I had been seeing originally as a marriage counselor put me on an antidepressant immediately.  I chose Wellbutrin (bupropion) because of its lack of sexual side effects and because it is one of the few AD's that do not cause weight gain.  I had a horrible experience with Prozac when I was 19-21 years old, so I knew that I did not want to ever take anything like that again.

Shortly after all these things occurred I started getting symptoms of some kind of trouble in my insides.  I would have intense cramps in my intestines, I would get bloated, I would sometimes pass out from the pain.  I was scared.

Being a person who likes to find patterns in everything I started trying to correlate these episodes to something that I was doing to make them happen.  I used the internet to find out what it could be.  I even went to a doctor!  Everything pointed to IBS, a mostly incurable condition of the bowel that doesn't cause any harm exactly, but makes your life miserable until you can find out what exactly is causing it and cut it out of your diet.  Until then there are times you are afraid to leave your house because you need to be near a bathroom.

For me, I assumed the cause was all the fruits and veggies.  They contain insoluble fiber which is difficult for some people's intestines to deal with and can irritate them.   I only ate them raw because that's how I like them: fresh, crispy, and crunchy.  Not limp, floppy, and chewy.  I stopped eating them completely and it seemed to solve my problem for a while.  I tried taking extra probiotics also but found them too expensive.  Almost every time I would reintroduce a veggie into my diet I would have an episode within 12 hours.  Eventually I morphed into just eating junk food all the time.  My once lean body started getting squishy.  I had zero energy.  I was tired all the time, cranky, and felt like my depression was coming back.  I craved sugar constantly.   I had stopped taking my anti-depressants shortly after I remarried because I didn't like how they made me spacey.  I gained 10 lb and felt like crap.  I got remarried but then lost my job.  I got a new job after a month of unemployment, and things got worse.

My new job was a cubicle job.  I was not allowed to leave the cubicle except for work related reasons (you know, like getting that 5th cup of coffee?) and only had very short breaks.  I gained another 7 lb.  Granted at this point I was at a more "healthy" weight according to charts, but I did not feel healthy at all.  I started having back problems from sitting so much.  And then I got pregnant.  It was my third pregnancy.  I was almost 30 years old.  I gained another 10 lb within just a few weeks!  The OB said I must just be the kind of person that gains a lot of weight when pregnant.  I was up to 142lb.  All I wanted to eat was junk food.

11 weeks into the pregnancy I had a sonogram.  There was no heartbeat.  The baby had died at 10 weeks.  I was shocked.  I had two healthy pregnancies with no problem so the last thing I thought would happen was a miscarriage.  I went immediately to my work, explained what had happened through tears to my boss, and headed to the OR to have a D&C.  I was in shock I think.  They examined the "tissue" that they removed and found no reason for the miscarriage.  In my heart I know that my lifestyle and diet must have had something to do with it.

8 weeks after my D&C I was pregnant again.  I was so scared to go to the OB that I waited until I was 12 weeks pregnant before I even called them.  Thank God this one was still alive.  But I did not let myself get too attached until I could feel her kicking.  And then I lived in fear the entire rest of the pregnancy.  Every time that she didn't kick for periods of time I would freak out and start jiggling her around!  I proceeded to catch the H1N1 flu from my son and the last 2 weeks of that pregnancy were a living hell.  I was bedridden, miserable, and so done with being pregnant.  I had gained a total of 65 lb and things started to hurt on me that had never hurt before!  The IBS was still coming almost daily now.  I would go to use the bathroom and had to hold on to something to get through the pain.

After I had her I figured the weight would drop back off like it did with my second child through breastfeeding.  I was able to lose 15 lb very very slowly and then plateaued.  I tried eating veggies here and there and fruits to make my diet healthier for the baby but I just couldn't seem to deal with them myself.  I made my way slowly down to 150 lb and was stuck there again for about 8 months.

Finally when I had weaned her after 16 months of hell another 20 lb came off.  Slowly.  At 2 years post partum I weighed about 132 lb.  With my second child I had gained 40 lb and lost 50 within 6 months!  So you can see why I was a little disappointed! I still had 10 lb more to lose before I could fit into most of my pre-baby clothes.  Sweatpants were my friend for a very long time.  My baby is now 2 years old and I am now 129 lb.  But still squishy.  I would need to lose an inch around most parts of me to fit into my clothes.

Over the past couple of years I have noticed that my IBS episodes do not necessarily line up with what I eat.  I did notice that they seem to line up perfectly with events in my life that give me anxiety.  Things like doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, social events, even having to talk on the phone to people I don't know very well.  Any kind of happening that shakes up my little bubble that I live in causes my body to freak out.  This points to psychological IBS, not diet related IBS.  That's both good and bad.  Good that I can eat what I want, but bad that its mental because I'm one of the most stubborn people in the world and I don't trust most psychotherapists.

So in conclusion, I have decided to start eating veggies and fruits again.  I would rather be putting that stuff in my body and benefiting from the nutrients and taking a chance I will have an episode.  Over the last week and a half I have eaten almost 2 entire peppers, 1 carton of white button mushrooms, 3/4 of a bag of baby spinach, and half a bag of baby carrots with hummus on much of that stuff.  That is more veggies than I have eaten in 4 years.  I only had one IBS episode out of all of those days.  I'm drinking Vegetable Juice (low sodium) at least once a day also, eating Chobani yogurt, and I have cut down on diet soda to once a week instead of once most days.  I have noticed positive things like not being ravenous at 3:30pm every day and gorging on sugary carby things.  Also even though I still have insomnia from my anti-depressant, once I get to sleep I sleep like a log.  I have less aches and pains.  I have not lost any weight yet, and if I don't that is fine.  I just want my energy back, my glow, and maybe a few muscles!