Weaning Day 1: Yeah, Right.

Yesterday was my baby's 15 month checkup appointment. When she was a tiny baby she had the chubbiest thighs and this booty that her pants wouldn't fit over. I really thought she'd be off the charts in the height and weight department (repeat after me: its not a contest. its not a contest. its not a contest.) but ever since she started walking her clothing started falling off of her and she has turned into this picky eater who only likes raisins, black olives, and edamame!

The doctor did not like what she saw after we had wrestled Autumn on to the scale and gotten an average of the three attempts. She had only gained 4 ounces in three months and had "flat lined" on the growth chart. "Let's see her back here in a month. Meanwhile, what are you feeding her?"

I cringe when people ask me this question. It really depends on where we are and what mood she is in. When we go to my friend's house she seems to be interested in EVERYTHING such as Pop Tarts, Fruit Loops, dill pickles, quick breads, peanut butter, baby bottles, etc. At home she wants one thing and its down my shirt.

I told her that I offer her a variety of foods but it comes down to that she wants crackers. Anything crackery or bready she seems to like, and also cheese. She refuses to let me feed her anything and she won't eat without a fork or spoon. Don't I kick myself for thinking introducing those utensils at 11 months was a good idea.

"What should I do? Give her bacon and donuts???" I asked.

"Yes. Well, donuts are empty calories but stuff like that that has fat, protein, and calories. Oh and give her chocolate milk." The benefits of the milk outweigh the chocolate's tasty badness apparently.

Ah, the milk dilemma. She really does not like milk unless I make it personally. As of late I have been thinking to myself that I really want my body back. I want to be able to eat less if I want to, to drink 3 coffees a day if I want to, and if I want to exercise so hard that a bunch of ketones go into my blood, well, I want that to be my business. I also do not want the cold hand of death going down my shirt everytime I sit down on the couch. I want feeling to return to my....well you know.

The pediatrician yesterday said "You can wean her now. She doesn't need it and it sounds like you are ready." Boy am I ever. The past few nights she has acted like she wants to nurse and then bites the crap out of me. So I was thinking chocolate milk might be the answer to this issue.

Wrong.

She hates chocolate milk. The above picture was taken right before she actually took a gulp. That's why she's smiling. Shortly after she made a face of horror and then chucked the sippy on the floor. So glad I put it in one with a plug in it. Maybe I put too much chocolate in (didn't know there was such a thing...) or maybe she just wasn't thirsty. I will try again today. But as usual when she woke up at the unexpected hour of 6:30am and I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep and my poor husband had gotten home at 2:00am my first response was to lift shirt and insert baby. Perhaps I can just step it down for the first few days and only do mornings. I'm stronger after my first cup of coffee.

The Cinderella Secret Workout #1 -- Abs

Today was a day that I had to mop. I hate mopping. Well, I don't hate the act itself, but I hate that as soon as it is done it needs to be done again!!! Mopping is also a 4 or 5 step process in my house with the three kids and 2 cats and all. Its sweep, vacuum, sweep, vacuum, and then if I'm not distracted by something shiny then the actual wet mop soaked in disinfectant happens.

Today is my 18th day of using the Wii Fit Plus system that I got for Christmas. Shockingly it has actually helped me out. I haven't lost any weight (I actually think I gained about 4 lb LOL) but it has done what expensive physical therapy would have done. It has helped me strengthen my puny muscles enough so that I am actually able to bend at the knee without having to pop a Vicodin. I hate taking pain meds so I am all for whatever else works. Using it also gives me energy and makes me want to do more since it doesn't hurt.

I have been avoiding that damn mop for several days now and spot cleaning instead and spraying Lysol on the floor figuring I'd "Do It Later" or DIL. I'm a wicked DIL'er. I remember a book in the Serendipity series (remember those?) about a girl who put off today and didn't do it tomorrow either and really identifying with her. And however many years later I am still that girl. But every so often I drink a coffee at 1:00pm and get all revved up and go to town on something. Today it was the kitchen. I put my latest acquisition of Third Day into the CD player that I have in my kitchen and cranked it, gave Autumn a buttload of goldfish crackers and raisins, and proceeded with my sweeping/vaccuming/mopping.

You may wonder where I'm going with this or if I've forgotten myself. Me too. Oh yeah EXERCISE!!! LOL There wasn't a Serendipity book about a girl with an attention span of a moth, but there should have been.

So my breaking point is that Autumn had dumped an entire box of Life cereal on the floor and I just had had enough filth. I put her highchair on the other side of the gate and got that floor nice and shiny. When I mop I use a crappy squeezy sponge mop thingy that probably needs a replacement head but I'm too cheap to pay $8 for a freaking long sponge so I keep lysoling the end of it. It doesn't do a very good job of spreading the water thin enough so that it dries quickly and I'm usually locked out of the kitchen for a good hour waiting for it to be walkable. Today I had a new idea that is useful too and makes me want to mop the kitchen every day.

You will need:

3 pack of Microfiber cloths (sold in the car accessory aisle at the Dollar General for $5)

A wet floor

No shame

Now here is my super duper ab work out that gives you the same result as the $19.99 as seen on TV AbRoller!!

Get down on your hands and knees gripping one of the Microfiber cloths (in your hands!).

Place both hands on the cloth on the floor in front of you. Start sliding away from your lower body but keep your knees in place. Pull back in without lifting your hands off the floor. Repeat, pivoting in every direction you can reach. When that section of floor is dry, move on to the next one. When that cloth is soaked grab another one and KEEP GOING!!!! This exercise works your abs, shoulders, back, and procrastinate muscles.

Trouble following the instructions? Here is a snapshot of me doing this exercise, give or take 100ish pounds:

I look hot in this picture don't I??? Give it a shot I promise you will feel the burn ;)

And now I'm off to find all the Serendipity books on Amazon. Wait, what?

Cod's Well That Ends Well

Autumn gets to be my guinea pig. She wasn't thrilled with the fish but ate an entire roll and a half cup of edamame!

My husband and I went grocery shopping together as we only had 1 child with us. I am sick of eating chicken, cow, pork, or turkey.

We walked past the seafood section and I stopped in my tracks. I forgot about fish!

"Kris, what do you think about Cod? Want to try it?"

Kris shrugs his shoulders. The man behind the fish counter laughs and pulls out a pound of Cod and I then proceed to interrogate him on how to cook it, how do you know when its done? What do you eat with it?

"Its basically like Haddock." he says. Yeah and THAT helps. I pretend I know what he is talking about and when I get home I Google "How to bake Cod".

The recipe that came up that was the closest match to the 5 year old spice collection I have is here. It was delicious and I highly recommend it. If I can do it, you can do it!

Now, the problem is that it calls for both lemon and lime juices. I had seen a bottle of lime juice in my fridge earlier that day. You know, the kind that is cleverly shaped like a lime but is the color of NOTHING nature would ever be capable of producing? I assumed it must be fresh. We all know what assume means.

It also called for Cracked Red Pepper which I miraculously pulled out of the spice rack (that doesn't go bad right?) and Kosher salt. Why does my salt need to be blessed by a Rabbi??? I of course had none so I sent Kris to the DG to see if he could find that and the Onion Salt that I threw out during the last cupboard cleaning.

He came back with Sea Salt (close enough right??) and Onion Powder, which the recipe said you can also use instead of Onion Salt. Kris greased the ceramic baking dish (I had no idea we had one of those) with butter and plopped the fish down in it. I mixed the ingredients together in a bowl and when I got to the lime juice I happened to glance at the bottom of the container. "April 2008" it quietly stated. Crap. Then I look at the recipe and it calls for a clove of garlic, freshly chopped. I figured there must be some garlic left over from the last time I cooked a few weeks ago so I searched the fridge door but to no avail. CRAP. And apparently we do not own any Garlic powder or salt.

Kris brought several odd spice jars to our relationship when he moved in here. There's lots of Mediterranean spices, Greek, and Indian. I usually skim past those when I'm searching for the Cinnamon Sugar. He pulled out the Greek spice mixture and proclaimed that it had BOTH Onion Salt AND Garlic Salt with the added bonus of.....peppermint?? Hoo boy how was that going to taste? Sounded nauseating. I used it anyway. What choice did I have??

We did not mix in the cat food or the Prego, just so ya know ;)

I poured this interesting liquid over the fish. It was quite thick surprisingly, and me being a closet perfectionist had to take a spoon and cover every part of Cod that was showing!

It actually smelled pretty good! We cooked it for 25 minutes at 400 degrees. Seemed excessive to me for fish but I'm not the expert.

It came out PERFECT nice and flaky and tasted heavenly. We served it to ourselves with Wild Mushroom Pilaf and shelled Edamame (I LOVE STEAMBAGS).

Cleanup of the ceramic dish was a snap also. It is important to me to know how long I will need to let something soak before the crud that I usually burn onto it comes off. In this case it slid right off, probably due to Kris' butter coating!

Kris enjoying MY cooking hehehe

I also slept like a baby last night. Not sure if its related, but I thought I would throw that in! ;)

Best Bleepin' Brownies in the World

Every time that I have to bake something for a pot luck I usually go to one of two standards: Chocolate Chip Cookies made with butter flavored shortening (you may cringe but damn its tasty) or a recipe for brownies that my friend Marie gave me that she got from a lady who worked at the same dentist office she did. No, these are not sugar free LOL not by any means. But they ARE tasty as heck and bound to be a hit at any party.

The only problem is that they are DEEP DISH so must be made in either an 8x8 or 9x9 pan (unless you want to double the recipe and then I suppose a 13x9 would work...)

First, the recipe:

3/4 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup of MELTED butter

1.5 cups of sugar--Organic "Sugar in the Raw" is the best tasting and makes it a little crunchy!

1.5 tsp pure vanilla extract--not imitation though!!!

3 eggs

1 cup DARK chocolate chips (I prefer Ghirardelli or Hershey's Special Dark)

Prep:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease 8x8 or 9x9 pan -- important for DEEP DISH effect!

COMBINE in separate bowl:

Flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

COMBINE in mixing bowl:

MELTED butter, sugar, and vanilla. Use an ELECTRIC MIXER to blend these. Add eggs to this mixture and beat well with a SPOON. Next, gradually add flour mixture to this. Do it VERY SLOWLY, about 1/4 cup at a time and use the SPOON to combine. Its best to do it slowly because I have found that doing it too quickly allows for clumps and it takes forever to go through and break them up to make it smooth. And you want it smooth, trust.

After well blended go ahead and add the chocolate chips.

Spread into the prepared pan evenly. Bake for 40-45 minutes or until brownies begin to pull away from the sides of the pan.

Cool completely and cut into squares. Should make about 16 brownies. Don't eat 'em all yourself ;)

Ain't That a Pisser, or The Truth About Cats.

See how innocent I am??

I have been home for over a week now. At the end of my time in NC my husband had called me to tell me that the kitten we have had for 2 months now had peed on the counter and the kitchen table, and also the curtain that I had just installed from a nerve-wracking trip to Walmart a week before.

"We have one curtain that is shorter than the other one." he told me when I asked if he had washed it.

Ok, fine. I can deal with that. I can always get a new curtain, right? But when he told me about the table and the counter I had had enough. I really like this kitten as he is quirky and sweet and curls up at my feet wherever I plant my fat butt. Even the bathroom. Ok so you didn't need to know that. ANYWHOOO...

I immediately went online from my sister's house and put him in the paper. I had gotten rid of the cat before him (Fluffy #1) after dealing with him pissing all over my house for the better part of three years, spending tons of money and time and anguish on trying to make it stop. I couldn't believe my bad luck was continuing with this little guy.

When I got home I also listed him on Craigslist and Facebook. I assumed that because of my older male cat that the younger one was getting territorial and that as I had had him tested for UTI's that he would be fine somewhere else, even outSIDE!! Thoughts of how I could remove him from my house intensified when the next day there was pee on my counter that ruined several pieces of mail and narrowly missed Kris' camera (just ruined the strap).

Perhaps you have been in my house (poor you) and know that my counter top is a landing space for anything, everything, and whatever is in between. There are cameras, sunglasses, mail, endless amounts of children's artwork, toys, photos, frames, sculptures, books, Bibles, pens, pencils, ETC I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS.

Well on Monday my Dad came over to visit. He's always giving me a hard time about the counter and associated areas, and I try my best but when no one helps I just give up. I'm not a go-getter when it comes to trying to clean up after everyone else. He wanted to use my nice camera to take a photo of something. It was sitting on the counter (of course) and when I picked it up I noticed something dripping from it.

NO.

My heart stopped briefly. I really couldn't believe it. I was speechless. Well, for a minute.

Then I was not so speechless.

"STUPID EFFING CAT I AM GOING TO KILL HIM OH MY $*&($*% WHY THE EFF WOULD HE DO THAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH" I said. My Dad ducked.

If that wasn't bad enough I had also chosen that particular piece of counter to set Autumn's precious blankie on while I was feeding her.

I stormed across the street and went into the Show Me The Biscuit store to get some Nature's Miracle. That crap is expensive. I asked the lady if she knew of anything I could do and she just kind of looked at me and went "I-uh-no" and I burst into tears. I paid, and stormed back home. I cleaned my camera as best as I could and it still stank. I soaked Autumn's blankie in a pail with Nature's Miracle and some hot water. Thank GOD that took it out.

But my camera, not so much. On the bottom of this camera is where the battery compartment is located. Also there are several tiny screws and of course the cavernous screw mount with all of its little ridges and gaps to hide the dreaded pee crystals. And there is a bit of rubber that stops up the ports for the coax cables and USB cable. Nothing gets piss out of rubber. Nothing. I cleaned it all several times, and even sat it gently in a tray of baking soda for a couple of hourse.

It still smells. Now every time I hold my camera up to my face I gag.

What about the kitten? Did I make a delicious Chinese Pot Roast that evening for dinner?

WELL LET ME TELL YA SOMETHIN.

He spent the rest of the day in the garage (comfortably of course. I'm not an abuser.) and that night I locked him in the basement with a litter box that I had thoroughly cleaned, some food, and some water. Fluffy 2 remained upstairs. The next morning I came downstairs and went towards the bathroom. I got a whiff of cat pee as I walked past the kitchen table but assumed it was from the litterbox which was nearby.

Then Alicia came downstairs. She went to put her bowl down on the table but I wanted to clear the crap off it first. I picked up a book she had just gotten at the book fair and it was soaked. I took one sniff and came to the horrible realization that it was FLUFFY who had been peeing on those surfaces, not the kitten!!!! No way am I getting rid of him!

Can't hate on this face.

I opened the basement door and let him out. Then I decided to take drastic measures: I CLEANED.

I removed everything from the table and all surfaces of the kitchen. I also had cleaned both litter boxes with Nature's Miracle to make them odorless (it really does work on some surfaces just not my camera). We kept one in the basement and leave the door open a bit. I bleached every surface and have been extremely strict about not letting junk accumulate there. So far we have been pee-free for almost a week!!!

So the kitten can stay. See, we have never actually SEEN him pee on anything (or Fluffy for that matter) we just assumed it was him because it had stopped when Fluffy 1 left. I felt bad for a minute because a few people had answered my ads and I had to tell them sorry he was staying but oh well. I hope that they all find a kitten somewhere else. Lord knows the Humane Society has plenty of cats.

Was That Real or Just a Dream

View of Myrtle Beach at Night

Did I even really leave? You may or may not know that for the first time I left all three kids and my husband home for an entire week to go visit my sister during the week of her son's birth in North Carolina. It was surreal to just get on a plane and not really look back. This is the first time I have ever left my 1 year old for more than a couple of hours and she was not weaned. My husband deserves a medal.

Grand Isle Ferry

We left on Saturday afternoon out of Plattsburgh (I think that has an "H" at the end...) on DirectAir straight to Myrtle Beach. A little background on DirectAir if you have never heard of them like me: They only fly on certain days of the week and only 2 times per day so they load those planes up as tight as possible which allows them to charge less airfare, but then charge you $30 for 1 checked bag and $35 for each bag after. I see it as paying $.99 in an eBay auction and then $35 for shipping.

When we arrived 2 hours early to the Plattsburgh airport we noticed a large mass of black leather jacketed fellows speaking french. Each one had a case with them the size of a small casket. Hoo boy. Canadian golfers are a jolly bunch, and it was our luck (not saying good or bad lol) that there was some kind of golfing expo in South Carolina that week. We were not as amused as we were at the end of the line with about 100+ of them in front of us, each checking at least one of these monstrosities.

Canadians Waiting for the Plane

When we finally got through the baggage line (my Mom just needed to check one measly little suitcase) we then had to go through security. It wasn't so bad I suppose. Then we got on the plane. We were right on schedule when we got seated, but for some reason the plane wasn't moving. Now I have only gone on a few plane rides in my life but I know that usually they let you know if there is a delay right off. After about 10 min we hear over the intercom:

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to the 200 checked items that need to be loaded on to this plane we will have a slight delay in takeoff."

Then another 15 minutes later we hear:

"Ladies and gentlemen the pilot has gone out to help with the baggage loading. We should be ready shortly for takeoff."

Finally another 5-10 minutes after that the pilot comes back on the plane looking a bit sweaty and tired (Oh crap) and the flight attendant says "Everyone let's give the pilot a round of applause for going out there and getting those bags on!"

Seriously?? Wow. That's what happens when you try to cram as many people on one flight as possible, and that's what happens when people try to fly cheaper because of all the new airline fees. Oh and the 'refreshments' are no longer free either. They are $2 each. For a FREAKING BAG OF .50 CRACKERS.

The lady sitting next to me mixed a Bloody Mary as soon as the attendant was walking around. I have recently given up trying to drink alcohol because of the physical effects it gives me. I prayed for no turbulence.

We arrived around 10, I can't remember exactly. Maybe it was 9:30 who cares. Checked into the Breakers hotel on the beach. One thing about parking in Myrtle Beach: IT SUCKS. The hotels have these narrow little lots that if you go down the wrong one you have to BACK out between two rows of cars and not kill anyone if you are lucky. Nothing is marked clearly. We finally figured out which building of this monster hotel it was supposed to be and got out.

The elevator had an open half empty can of Bud Light sitting quietly on the floor:

The room wasn't bad, nice view...

but we were treated to an open dirty cloth diaper with a huge crap in it right next to our car (driver's side hehehe) in the morning.

Classy.

Don't you hate when weeds push up through the concrete?

We drove three hours to Morrisville and checked in to the Four Points Sheraton (the one right near Hooter's and BoJiggly's) and got this gorgeous room with 4 feather pillows on each bed and a comfy down comforter.

Mom sorting out her electronics

It was nice and quiet and parking was way nicer. For the first time in years I slept like a log all the way through the night, and not the kind of log we found in the parking lot of the other place. Unfortunately feather pillows sound good on paper but really screw up your neck :( It was ok though, I dealt.

I left on this trip saying to a few people that I was going to try to lose 10 lb while away from the kids and not nursing and all that.

Those are fat free waffles, right?

Yeah right. There was a gym on site at the hotel but we were on the 6th floor and it was near the lobby where all the drunk people be at. I went down there twice and used the elliptical for a half hour. The first time was ok but the second time there was a very creepy dude in there and it was just him and I so I didn't stay long. Instead I went back to the room and made my Mom watch CSI: NY with me and then the news. I have never seen news so depressing in my life. It was murder, murder, stabbing, robbery, "Child reunited with parents after kidnapping!", murder, robbery, murder, car accident, fire, robbery, etc. The guy was talking so damn fast because he had so much to report that I gave up and just looked at the pictures.

Sarah the day before Luke was born

I won't talk too much about my sister's birth experience as it is her story to tell, but she had a crazy adorable little boy named Luke:

and I got to hold him, change him, rock him to sleep, and give her and her husband little breaks so they could nap. I love newborns. I wish I could have a job where I just go to someone's house that just had a baby and take care of them for a few days until they were rested up and ready.

My mom and I did get to take a couple of walks (I forced her hehehe) and I filled up both camera flash cards.

This is a house near my sister's apt complex. Yeah, I know. I thought it was a federal building also.

NC foliage was just as good as VT foliage was! I got to see foliage for like 3 months straight LOL

We had to leave my sister on Saturday afternoon and drive back to Myrtle Beach for a short stay at another hotel and then an early flight out Sunday.

Random wildfires on the side of I-95 South. I called 911 but the dude didn't seem too excited.

That hotel was called Paradise Resort.

View from the balcony on the 18th floor

We got the 18th floor and figured it would be a nice quiet chance to fall asleep listening to the waves. WRONG. There was one of those suite doors between our room and the next one and clearly it was meant to be shared because we could hear the group of people in there laughing, talking, slamming crap around, and finally leaving at 11:30pm. We had to be up at 4. I shouldn't have drank that Barq's at Burger King on the way down but I did and therefore was up until 12:30am.

I need this sign over my front door.

When we got to the airport we could hear this odd slapping sound coming from the group of black leather jackets waiting at the baggage check line. As we drew closer we could see that the bonding experience of Canadian Golfing must have been intense because they were all hugging, slapping each other on the back (I hope) and doing these odd handshake combos that I only usually see on CSI:Miami. Whatev. Luckily they must have learned from the last time that they need to hussle getting those damn golf bags on the plane and we didn't have a delay.

I was hoping for lots of cool cumulus and stratus clouds to take pics of but dangit, it was a beautiful day. I did get to see some anti-crepuscular rays created by the airplane's shadow which no one was excited about except me:

Anticrepuscular rays are the dark shadow lines to the right of the wing

When I got home there was no one here. I sat in the kitchen feeling my anxiety building. I am not sure why, but I can only imagine that it is as my friend Fran said, "Guilt from enjoying yourself without them" and Nancy also shed some light "It is hard to face a crowd of adoring fans" So hard that I thought I was going to be spending my entire alone time in the bathroom trying not to puke!!!

My expectations were that the kids would run up to the house, hug me, and then go about their business of annoying the crap out of me. I also envisioned my darling baby seeing me, kicking her legs and holding her arms out to me in delight that I was finally back and that she must have missed me to death.

Ah, to dream.

The older kids did exactly what I imagined. However, when my husband brought Autumn in from the car she looked at me like I was a stranger. She buried her face into Kris' shoulder and clung to him. I took her, well I PRIED her off of him and tried to hug her. She pushed me away violently and arched her back, screaming as if someone was trying to steal her! I tried talking to her but she wouldn't even look at me. My heart was breaking. I tried putting her down and then picking her back up but she just reached for her daddy and when he picked her up she buried her face in his shoulder again. Then she looked at me shyly and kept her head on him. I just sat there, not knowing how to react. I could feel tears welling up and started to wonder if I made a horrible mistake leaving her that long. I had these thoughts that I had scarred her for life, that I had created a rift that would not go away. I started to think of every bad thing possible. I mean, I have nursed this baby endlessly for the past 12 months and in 1 week it seemed that the bonding we had done was just...gone.

I thought maybe if I put the camera in front of my face she'd recognize me...

Instead of continuing on that destructive path however, I got down on the floor and had Kris put her down there. I had him go in the other room and tried playing with her. She still looked at me warily like she didn't know who I was. I got her to let me pick her up and brought her to the laundry room. I changed her diaper and then took her into the living room. I lifted my shirt and offered her my breast (it was the only thing I could think of that might bring her around) and she latched on immediately, reaching up for my hair which she always twirls in her fingers while she is feeding. A look of recognition sparked in her eyes as she looked up at me from that angle. She smiled a little out of the corner of her mouth and then closed her eyes, still holding and twirling my hair.

Amazingly I am still producing milk after a week of only pumping twice. Guess I am not done nursing. You know, I am really ok with that.

Ever since that moment when she realized who I was she has wanted me to hold her and now is back to normal, if not a little clingier than before. If I set her down she is constantly checking to make sure I am still there. Its a good feeling if not a bit selfish but I'm glad I have my baby back. And I wouldn't trade my experience with my sister and her family for anything either.

Alex was psyched I was home...Kris had been actually disciplining him all week!

IBS--I Be Shreddin'

Need a break? :)

Sick of watching daytime TV as it contains nothing but political ad drivel (today being election day I am reallly looking forward to tomorrow!!!!) Since becoming a stay at home mom (and I ain't susie homemaker so I don't get a lot of "exercise" doing housework) I had given up on getting any real results doing workouts. I have nursed a baby for a full 12 months now and it seemed like everytime I would try to exercise some of my baby flab off it would just make more pounds stick on. Combine that sad fact with the IBS I suddenly developed when I was 29 one day after eating a kiwi at work and am now violently "allergic" to any raw veggies and some fruits and well, I'm pretty out of shape.

An amazing opportunity has presented itself via my online friends at Northeast Mountain Guiding to accompany them on some of their outdoor hiking/mountaineering/rock climbing trips to be their photographer. As a serious amateur photographer who loves being outside and turning over rocks to see what creepy crawlies are under them I am so wanting to do this!!!! BUT the truth is that I am not sureI will be able to keep up with them. That is going to change.

My sweet baby still nurses up to 5 times a day and sometimes as little as 1-2 times. I am going to be visiting my sister in NC next week for an entire 7 days and not bringing ANY kids with me so now is the time to cut her off. I feel HORRIBLE about it on the one hand and excited on the other. I can't believe that stage of her life is really already over. On the other hand it is a step toward getting my own identity back. This entire year and the one before (when I was preggo) I I have had these feelings about myself:

Old

Boring

Fat

Useless beyond being a mother

Frumpy

Lumpy

Unsexy (spellcheck says that's not a word but whatev)

Out of control

This is not the baby's fault of course, and I never have regretted breastfeeding her. She just feeds so MUCH!!!! For the first 8 months it was literally up to 12 times a day and for hours at a time some days. I have lived mostly in sweatpants and 1 pair of jeans. My hip bones still show a bit so I know they are still there, but my thighs seem so wide that I cannot even dream of putting on a skirt or normal jeans. Its hard to feel human when you have to dress like you are going to bed all the time. And dressing like that puts you in the mindset of laying around all day.

The extra weight I am carrying around (about 25 lb from before I was pregnant) has really put a strain on my knees. Apparently my knees are not very good??!! I never had trouble with them before this baby. Now I cannot bend down and stand up again without some pain. And because of the pain there are a lot of exercises I can't do. How can I lose weight if I can't eat healthy (i.e. VEGETABLES which are full of fiber and few calories--I can't even eat a bite of salad!) AND I can't jog, which has always been my go-to quick slimming exercise.

Luckily I think I finally hit rock bottom. This sounds bad but that is what I have to do: hit the bottom so I can start to go back up. I do this a lot in life. I'm hoping my kids are not like this because let me tell you it is not the easy way by far. This morning I got up, took a SHOWER (OMG!!!) and got dressed. Instead of laying in bed and nursing baby for 40 min I picked her up, got her dressed, and brought her straight downstairs. I gave her breakfast, some water, and got the kids ready for school and off we went. Coffee with my morning buddy and then when I got home baby nursed for 5 min and went straight off to dreamland. I spent about an hour doing the mending (LOL) which involved sewing buttons back on 3 sweaters, a poncho, and fixing a hole on a cute shirt Alicia has. Why don't they put buttons on better??? Why is it that I buy a damn sweater with buttons and they pop off one at a time within hours of wearing them????

After I fixed all that crap I decided I would stop slacking and put the 30 Minute Shred in with Jillian Michaels. I used to do it every morning when my BFF Becca lived next door but when she moved 8 minutes away well, it was just too much work to get r done LOL

And so, I shredded. It really wasn't all that bad and my knees didn't hurt at all. The lovely twisty part of my lower spine that has developed over the past 10 years kind of made me wince a few times but it just needs to obey. I'm hoping that I can keep it up all the rest of the week, and then when we are down south I can use the gym facilities at the hotel to at least do some cardio every day. Then I can transition into actually USING MY GYM MEMBERSHIP and get through the next few months with that, snowshoeing, X-Country skiing, and hopefully HIKING.

That reminds me...I need to do some laundry now and make my husband think that I actually have this place under control...