I Need an Intervention

Best Chocolate Chip Cookies EVER

That is, if you like yummy soft but crunchy-ish on the outside heavenly delight!

Since I can't write my blogs without putting in the babble that my brain is constantly rattling off, I have highlighted the important stuff in bold print ;-)

OK I hope no one is opposed to shortening here because it just doesn't work with butter!

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees!

First in one bowl dump 1 and 1/8 cup of flour. I use hippie whole wheat flour which makes it thicker, but you can use whatever you have laying around the house. Lighter flour makes them thinner. Next add 1/2 tsp salt (more if you like more), and 1/2 tsp baking soda. Or is it powder. The one in the box that's an odor absorber!!!! I can never remember the difference. Set this concoction aside for later.

In a mixing bowl plop 3/4 cup of shortening (butter FLAVORED is best if you have it, but regular is fine too) and then add 1/2 cup of light brown sugar and 3/4 cup white sugar. Sometimes I put in a whole cup of white sugar. I'm just crazy like that. If you want to change it up a bit and really taste heaven use Sugar in the Raw! YUMMY! If diamonds had a flavor they would taste like that sugar!!! Found in your hippie food aisle.

Using an electric mixer, combine these three things until blended. Next add a couple few eggs. If you have three, go for it. If you have two it will still work. Just makes them softer if you have more. Add to this 1 tsp vanilla extract and beat until the dough is doughy. Once its doughy enough slowly add the flour mixture until blended. If it seems too floppy add a bit more flour (Becca I am avoiding the "M" word just for you). Once you are satisfied with the texture throw in 2 cups of chocolate chips, chunks, or devlins. Whatever you have laying around! Stir these in with a big ol' spoon. Lick everything and then get two fresh spoons and drop them on the cookie sheets about an inch apart. No need to spray the sheets, the shortening will take care of that for you!

Bake for about 11 minutes. Remove and enjoy! Ok you may want to cool them a bit...

Here's a handy hint that I learned from the back of a Betty Crocker bag: to keep your batches from spreading make sure you cool the pans down in between dropping the dough on them! I just wave the pan around and if anyone walks in the way well, that's what I call collateral damage ;-)

The Ten Things You Aren't Cleaning in Your Bathroom (or maybe you are...and its just me)

I have set for myself a Housecleaning Itinerary for Good Housewives (or H.I.G.H....cause that's how I feel after inhaling that much Windex, Scrubbing Bubbles, and Lysol) utilizing my iPod Touch's calendar thingy. Monday I clean bathrooms. Or at least 1 out of the 3 if I'm having a slow day. This week I took on the "guest" bathroom which is just a sink vanity and toilet. How dirty can it get? Its the size of a small broom closet after all. Right past it is my laundry room: the generator of the Everlasting Lint Ball. You would really think in the 70 or so years that the modern clothes dryer has been around someone would have solved the lint trap problem. Everytime I take that sucker out its like New Year's Eve at midnight in Times Square.

Okay let's move on to the topic at hand. I realized that if I really got down on the floor in this bathroom in the sunlight a lot was revealed to me. Namely, a lot of pee. Now, I don't know how many men you have in your house, but when it comes to who peed on the toilet at such an angle that it made its way down into the fancy artistic part in the back the general consensus is : Alicia. I mean, it HAS to be her. Autumn is in diapers, I'm a big girl and make sure I don't drip, and both Kris and Alex claim "Not me" so that only leaves one suspect. Poor little scapegoat Alicia.

Yeah, I accidentally hit the "add watermark" button to this export and was too lazy to redo it.

As soon as I had finished gagging my way through cleaning that off (thankfully for you I took the pics AFTER it was cleaned!) I decided to see what else had been ignored, neglected, and otherwise thoroughly UNcleaned. That counts as number 1 by the way. :)

Number 2: Do you have these "vanity" lights in your bathroom?

I do. I have 4 downstairs and 16 upstairs. That's 20 of these bad boys for you math whizzes. See that dark patch at the top? That my dears, is DIRT. When they are on they are so bright you can't see it, and when they are off, who cares!?! But they are glass, uncovered, and supply the best light in the bathroom. Hell I think I'll just let this one get dirtier then maybe I won't flinch every time I walk past a mirror! JUST KIDDING!!

Number 3: Do you have these lovely standard model white doors in your home?

Ah, the modern stylings of the "shadowbox" door as I like to call them. Well when they start to get like this:

I'd be happy to go back to the Flintstone's boulder slab! These things are the biggest pain in the hee-haw to clean!! Especially if you are like me and only painted halfway down and then got distracted by something shiny 5 years ago and never came back!!! ACK!! Guess I have a few spring projects coming up, eh?!?

Number 4: one of the things everybody touches! Now, you may think I'm talking doorknobs, but no I expect you to clean that while you are gouging out your eyeballs on the door. I'm talking higher.

I wish I had taken a "before" pic of this. I had to first Windex it and then use a Magic Eraser (TM and all) to get the weird grayish splattery stuff off it. And this is something I wipe down regularly. I just never really took the time to actually look at it. As you can see I still need to take a nail file or some other pointy object and dig out the edges and screws. Yah, kids, wash your hands after you use the light switch! Oy vey.

Number 5 is something that I can almost guarantee you have not cleaned in a very long time unless you had a prophetic dream with an angel telling you that it existed. When I cleaned mine a large plume of volcanic ash hit me square in the nose. I put a mask on after I did the first one...

Moulding! Or Molding. Depends on if you are from England or New England. I have always cleaned the wide part that you can reach without a chair, but never have I ventured to the tops of Mt Killmenow and been spewed on like this. Oh and my fake plants are probably another thing I should be cleaning but I didn't take any pictures so I'm just going to pretend they are real plants and they clean themselves.

Number 6 for me is the paper towel roll holder! Ahh, pristine white plastic with tiny little divots all over it that clutch the half dirty water that flies off of people's hands as they grasp the paper towel. Yes I see the glass as half empty in this case!

The only thing that gets that dirt out all the way is the dang Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. That thing is seriously MAGIC. It doesn't seem to have anything going for it except whatever freak side effect of some NASA experiment that accidentally polished the floors created! I use it on any of this "textured" plastic such as the refrigerator and freezer handles, kid's toys, and now the paper towel roll holder. Magic I tell you!!

Number 7 is slightly related to number 5 except for this you need to get down on the floor. I live on a plot of land that was desperately trying to look fertile when we moved in but really just gave up and became the dusty desert that it is today. Hence why I do not garden. But in the summer time during the day I leave the windows open rain or shine and when the wind blows or cars go by or a butterfly flaps it's wings sand and dust come floating on in. Apparently it enjoys settling on all of my moulding. The piece in the following picture is from the bottom of the bathroom door which is very near my sliding glass door. I vacuum this moulding all the time but never really look at it.

YUMMY!!! O000h and look I think I actually painted this piece! Magic Eraser works on this also.

Number 8 is a place I know I would rather forget: behind the sink faucet!

Mildew is one thing that grosses me out. I can watch mutilated dead bodies till the cows come home on CSI or Bones but slimy mildew? That's just plain nasty. For you I used the after picture. The before was not something I wanted to look at. That angle just isn't obvious until you get up on the toilet and look down!

Number 9 is the decorative finials on the end of curtain rods!

They are so pretty from down here. But as the top of the toilet was my lookout I noticed my amber acrylic fobs were looking a little tan! A quick wipedown with Windex Multi-Surface (antibacterial of course, and no I'm not plugging I really use this stuff, its heaven!) and they are sparkling fake jewels again!

Number 10 is probably the catcher for many foul balls. Pause. So as I had my head behind the toilet cleaning up the golden drizzle I turned to breath and noticed that the side of my vanity cabinet had these white high velocity spatter patterns on them (yeah I know, too much CSI!!). For these I have not found a cleaner that will remove them completely or even mostly. If I do you will be sure I will post it! I was only able to get peace of mind that they are now completely sanitary and disinfected even if they still have to exist. I don't know what those children are drinking but it quite effectively stains finished wood!

Well I hope you enjoyed my list. I plan to tackle the laundry room next. It looks clean at first glance but then again, so did this tiny little bathroom. I'd do the kids bathroom but my hazmat suit is at the cleaner's.

Have fun getting H.I.G.H.!

Hello, Beautiful.

The Bissell. With TurboBrush. Bed Bath & Beyond had them for $170, Costco had them for $85. This is what Kris' hard earned money is buying and wow does our carpet look amazing.

The answer to a dirty white kitchen floor: Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Mop (right) and Mr. Clean "Classic" Squeezy Mop. Both under $15 each.

A Befloor and After:

Bliss. Now if only everyone would go away so it would stay like this HAHA

Weaning Day 1: Yeah, Right.

Yesterday was my baby's 15 month checkup appointment. When she was a tiny baby she had the chubbiest thighs and this booty that her pants wouldn't fit over. I really thought she'd be off the charts in the height and weight department (repeat after me: its not a contest. its not a contest. its not a contest.) but ever since she started walking her clothing started falling off of her and she has turned into this picky eater who only likes raisins, black olives, and edamame!

The doctor did not like what she saw after we had wrestled Autumn on to the scale and gotten an average of the three attempts. She had only gained 4 ounces in three months and had "flat lined" on the growth chart. "Let's see her back here in a month. Meanwhile, what are you feeding her?"

I cringe when people ask me this question. It really depends on where we are and what mood she is in. When we go to my friend's house she seems to be interested in EVERYTHING such as Pop Tarts, Fruit Loops, dill pickles, quick breads, peanut butter, baby bottles, etc. At home she wants one thing and its down my shirt.

I told her that I offer her a variety of foods but it comes down to that she wants crackers. Anything crackery or bready she seems to like, and also cheese. She refuses to let me feed her anything and she won't eat without a fork or spoon. Don't I kick myself for thinking introducing those utensils at 11 months was a good idea.

"What should I do? Give her bacon and donuts???" I asked.

"Yes. Well, donuts are empty calories but stuff like that that has fat, protein, and calories. Oh and give her chocolate milk." The benefits of the milk outweigh the chocolate's tasty badness apparently.

Ah, the milk dilemma. She really does not like milk unless I make it personally. As of late I have been thinking to myself that I really want my body back. I want to be able to eat less if I want to, to drink 3 coffees a day if I want to, and if I want to exercise so hard that a bunch of ketones go into my blood, well, I want that to be my business. I also do not want the cold hand of death going down my shirt everytime I sit down on the couch. I want feeling to return to my....well you know.

The pediatrician yesterday said "You can wean her now. She doesn't need it and it sounds like you are ready." Boy am I ever. The past few nights she has acted like she wants to nurse and then bites the crap out of me. So I was thinking chocolate milk might be the answer to this issue.

Wrong.

She hates chocolate milk. The above picture was taken right before she actually took a gulp. That's why she's smiling. Shortly after she made a face of horror and then chucked the sippy on the floor. So glad I put it in one with a plug in it. Maybe I put too much chocolate in (didn't know there was such a thing...) or maybe she just wasn't thirsty. I will try again today. But as usual when she woke up at the unexpected hour of 6:30am and I had only gotten about 4 hours of sleep and my poor husband had gotten home at 2:00am my first response was to lift shirt and insert baby. Perhaps I can just step it down for the first few days and only do mornings. I'm stronger after my first cup of coffee.

The Cinderella Secret Workout #1 -- Abs

Today was a day that I had to mop. I hate mopping. Well, I don't hate the act itself, but I hate that as soon as it is done it needs to be done again!!! Mopping is also a 4 or 5 step process in my house with the three kids and 2 cats and all. Its sweep, vacuum, sweep, vacuum, and then if I'm not distracted by something shiny then the actual wet mop soaked in disinfectant happens.

Today is my 18th day of using the Wii Fit Plus system that I got for Christmas. Shockingly it has actually helped me out. I haven't lost any weight (I actually think I gained about 4 lb LOL) but it has done what expensive physical therapy would have done. It has helped me strengthen my puny muscles enough so that I am actually able to bend at the knee without having to pop a Vicodin. I hate taking pain meds so I am all for whatever else works. Using it also gives me energy and makes me want to do more since it doesn't hurt.

I have been avoiding that damn mop for several days now and spot cleaning instead and spraying Lysol on the floor figuring I'd "Do It Later" or DIL. I'm a wicked DIL'er. I remember a book in the Serendipity series (remember those?) about a girl who put off today and didn't do it tomorrow either and really identifying with her. And however many years later I am still that girl. But every so often I drink a coffee at 1:00pm and get all revved up and go to town on something. Today it was the kitchen. I put my latest acquisition of Third Day into the CD player that I have in my kitchen and cranked it, gave Autumn a buttload of goldfish crackers and raisins, and proceeded with my sweeping/vaccuming/mopping.

You may wonder where I'm going with this or if I've forgotten myself. Me too. Oh yeah EXERCISE!!! LOL There wasn't a Serendipity book about a girl with an attention span of a moth, but there should have been.

So my breaking point is that Autumn had dumped an entire box of Life cereal on the floor and I just had had enough filth. I put her highchair on the other side of the gate and got that floor nice and shiny. When I mop I use a crappy squeezy sponge mop thingy that probably needs a replacement head but I'm too cheap to pay $8 for a freaking long sponge so I keep lysoling the end of it. It doesn't do a very good job of spreading the water thin enough so that it dries quickly and I'm usually locked out of the kitchen for a good hour waiting for it to be walkable. Today I had a new idea that is useful too and makes me want to mop the kitchen every day.

You will need:

3 pack of Microfiber cloths (sold in the car accessory aisle at the Dollar General for $5)

A wet floor

No shame

Now here is my super duper ab work out that gives you the same result as the $19.99 as seen on TV AbRoller!!

Get down on your hands and knees gripping one of the Microfiber cloths (in your hands!).

Place both hands on the cloth on the floor in front of you. Start sliding away from your lower body but keep your knees in place. Pull back in without lifting your hands off the floor. Repeat, pivoting in every direction you can reach. When that section of floor is dry, move on to the next one. When that cloth is soaked grab another one and KEEP GOING!!!! This exercise works your abs, shoulders, back, and procrastinate muscles.

Trouble following the instructions? Here is a snapshot of me doing this exercise, give or take 100ish pounds:

I look hot in this picture don't I??? Give it a shot I promise you will feel the burn ;)

And now I'm off to find all the Serendipity books on Amazon. Wait, what?

Cod's Well That Ends Well

Autumn gets to be my guinea pig. She wasn't thrilled with the fish but ate an entire roll and a half cup of edamame!

My husband and I went grocery shopping together as we only had 1 child with us. I am sick of eating chicken, cow, pork, or turkey.

We walked past the seafood section and I stopped in my tracks. I forgot about fish!

"Kris, what do you think about Cod? Want to try it?"

Kris shrugs his shoulders. The man behind the fish counter laughs and pulls out a pound of Cod and I then proceed to interrogate him on how to cook it, how do you know when its done? What do you eat with it?

"Its basically like Haddock." he says. Yeah and THAT helps. I pretend I know what he is talking about and when I get home I Google "How to bake Cod".

The recipe that came up that was the closest match to the 5 year old spice collection I have is here. It was delicious and I highly recommend it. If I can do it, you can do it!

Now, the problem is that it calls for both lemon and lime juices. I had seen a bottle of lime juice in my fridge earlier that day. You know, the kind that is cleverly shaped like a lime but is the color of NOTHING nature would ever be capable of producing? I assumed it must be fresh. We all know what assume means.

It also called for Cracked Red Pepper which I miraculously pulled out of the spice rack (that doesn't go bad right?) and Kosher salt. Why does my salt need to be blessed by a Rabbi??? I of course had none so I sent Kris to the DG to see if he could find that and the Onion Salt that I threw out during the last cupboard cleaning.

He came back with Sea Salt (close enough right??) and Onion Powder, which the recipe said you can also use instead of Onion Salt. Kris greased the ceramic baking dish (I had no idea we had one of those) with butter and plopped the fish down in it. I mixed the ingredients together in a bowl and when I got to the lime juice I happened to glance at the bottom of the container. "April 2008" it quietly stated. Crap. Then I look at the recipe and it calls for a clove of garlic, freshly chopped. I figured there must be some garlic left over from the last time I cooked a few weeks ago so I searched the fridge door but to no avail. CRAP. And apparently we do not own any Garlic powder or salt.

Kris brought several odd spice jars to our relationship when he moved in here. There's lots of Mediterranean spices, Greek, and Indian. I usually skim past those when I'm searching for the Cinnamon Sugar. He pulled out the Greek spice mixture and proclaimed that it had BOTH Onion Salt AND Garlic Salt with the added bonus of.....peppermint?? Hoo boy how was that going to taste? Sounded nauseating. I used it anyway. What choice did I have??

We did not mix in the cat food or the Prego, just so ya know ;)

I poured this interesting liquid over the fish. It was quite thick surprisingly, and me being a closet perfectionist had to take a spoon and cover every part of Cod that was showing!

It actually smelled pretty good! We cooked it for 25 minutes at 400 degrees. Seemed excessive to me for fish but I'm not the expert.

It came out PERFECT nice and flaky and tasted heavenly. We served it to ourselves with Wild Mushroom Pilaf and shelled Edamame (I LOVE STEAMBAGS).

Cleanup of the ceramic dish was a snap also. It is important to me to know how long I will need to let something soak before the crud that I usually burn onto it comes off. In this case it slid right off, probably due to Kris' butter coating!

Kris enjoying MY cooking hehehe

I also slept like a baby last night. Not sure if its related, but I thought I would throw that in! ;)

Best Bleepin' Brownies in the World

Every time that I have to bake something for a pot luck I usually go to one of two standards: Chocolate Chip Cookies made with butter flavored shortening (you may cringe but damn its tasty) or a recipe for brownies that my friend Marie gave me that she got from a lady who worked at the same dentist office she did. No, these are not sugar free LOL not by any means. But they ARE tasty as heck and bound to be a hit at any party.

The only problem is that they are DEEP DISH so must be made in either an 8x8 or 9x9 pan (unless you want to double the recipe and then I suppose a 13x9 would work...)

First, the recipe:

3/4 cups all purpose flour

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup of MELTED butter

1.5 cups of sugar--Organic "Sugar in the Raw" is the best tasting and makes it a little crunchy!

1.5 tsp pure vanilla extract--not imitation though!!!

3 eggs

1 cup DARK chocolate chips (I prefer Ghirardelli or Hershey's Special Dark)

Prep:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease 8x8 or 9x9 pan -- important for DEEP DISH effect!

COMBINE in separate bowl:

Flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.

COMBINE in mixing bowl:

MELTED butter, sugar, and vanilla. Use an ELECTRIC MIXER to blend these. Add eggs to this mixture and beat well with a SPOON. Next, gradually add flour mixture to this. Do it VERY SLOWLY, about 1/4 cup at a time and use the SPOON to combine. Its best to do it slowly because I have found that doing it too quickly allows for clumps and it takes forever to go through and break them up to make it smooth. And you want it smooth, trust.

After well blended go ahead and add the chocolate chips.

Spread into the prepared pan evenly. Bake for 40-45 minutes or until brownies begin to pull away from the sides of the pan.

Cool completely and cut into squares. Should make about 16 brownies. Don't eat 'em all yourself ;)